If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
jump out the window naked night went bad
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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