What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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