sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
