True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
