you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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