He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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