i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
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Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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