I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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