Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize