i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just sucked dick on a ferry