OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.