His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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