Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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