Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
