she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
