is wine microwaveable?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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