I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
