this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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