i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You should frame my arrest warrant.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
