I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
