I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
