We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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