If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
