Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
