So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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