he wants to bone in the snuggie
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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