college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
