WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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