he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
