I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
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Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
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I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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