apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
