My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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