don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
