i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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