Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
