walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
