Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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