Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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