im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
your room smells of hookers.
And success
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
