I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Randomize
