She is in my trunk
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
