hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
