Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
