and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
