I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
