Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
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This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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