If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize