YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
