The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
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Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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