Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
