Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
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