Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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