I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
my being single is dangerous.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize