I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
