Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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