Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
