Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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