Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
