Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
A bitchslap is in order.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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