is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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