i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
