I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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